Dating In Saudi

So this post is mostly based on observations, conversations, and reading about the dating situation in Saudi Arabia amongst Muslim youth. So if you are here and have more to add and/or correct please share! This is a very segregated society. Woah I actually think that is an understatement. There are separate places for men and women to wait inside the hospital, there are separate areas of restaurants for single men and for families and single women, there are certain days and places at the festival I just visited where woman/families could be and then separate places for single men. Oh actually three ladies and I went to this festival with a male friend and he had to run back to his car but then couldn't get back into the festival because he was presumably a single man showing up on family night! So a lady had to go back and fetch her “husband” so he would be allowed in the grounds.

Women are not meant to be uncovered in the presence of any man except their husbands and sons. Obviously this all makes it difficult for men and women to interact. So how do they meet? Hmm. Well on the extreme side of things, they write their phone numbers on their car windows hoping some lady will see it and call them....they call random numbers and hope to chat with a lady, phone roulette I suppose. I actually have a cell phone here and turn it off most of the time because I get weird middle of the night phone calls and texts in Arabic. Also social media outlets have really changed the social life for youth in Saudi Arabia, allowing them to meet and chat with people via the internet. But the problem is in such a segregated society it is very difficult to meet up. Men and women who are not married can not be in public together unless they are chaperoned by a married couple. So if these two internet would be lovers want to meet up covertly, they can maybe plan to meet at the mall. She'll be with her friends, totally covered of course and veiled head to toe in black. He'll be the one in the white throbe and the red checked head scarf, ghutrah. Maybe they will pass by each other and make eye contact for a second, having a thrill of secretly meeting each other even if just for a moment!

On the more conservative side of Saudi dating, families often choose a spouse for their children. Now like I said women can only be around immediate family. They can't even be around first cousins after maturity because these family members are fair game in the world of Saudi mating. Yup that's right, first cousins can legally marry, and often do. This has a lot to do with status and money. Keep it in the family! What are the problems with keeping genes so close and mingling? Ah an extraordinary array of genetic disorders, recessive disorders come alive. Actually now they have laws about having genetic testing before wedlock, but apparently money can buy anything....eeks.

So other than being betrothed to your cousin, more liberal families will maybe get the woman's say as to who her life partner will be. Possibly the man will see a picture of this girl, or hear good things about her. He will ask around about her. What is her family like, will she make a good loyal wife, is she ready for marriage? He will go to the father and state his interests with this man's daughter. Possibly the daughter will be consulted as to her desires or disdain for this man. But when it comes right down to it, the father is the daughter's guardian and has full legal rights to her decisions (oh man I will need to do another whole post about this issue!). In the event she agrees to this nuptial the lovely couple may be permitted to chat on the phone and get to know each other. Or if the family is very liberal they might even meet before the fated day. But always to be chaperoned.

Alright so as a quick side note. I've heard about western women who marry Saudi men. Some stories go like this, actually I have hear 3 or 4 of these and they go the same way. But for this whole post, I'm not saying this is how it is for everyone. Everyone is different and these are stereotypes that I'm highlighting for the interest of those at home. So ok western woman and Saudi man meet in the western world and he is very westernized and liberal, etc. They marry and have children. At some point he has a desire to take his family to his homeland, maybe for a short period of time even. Once they arrive to Saudi Arabia he is not the man she married. He dresses in traditional Saudi wear and forces her to cover as well. He can't have a disobedient wife. In one story that goes this way he prohibited her from eating an ice cream cone in public anymore (even when it is 130F outside!) because it is blatantly too sexy of an act to be doing in public and how dare she deface his status by being so crass. These restrictions end in divorce. However, after divorce the woman has absolutely no rights to her children. They are his. He is their guardian. The wife can leave Saudi but she will never see her children again. They will never be allowed to leave the country without the permission of their father. Obviously, these are severe cases and again everyone is different and not everyone falls into the stereotypes, just sharing what I have learned.

Enjoy your rights and freedom! Actually, I've recently been reminded of a time in my childhood when my sister and I had been visiting our grandmother with our family and my sister must have been denied something or another. In revolt of this infringement on her rights she and I put small notes all over the house that stated “IT'S A FREE COUNTRY!” I think we must have been in elementary school and were probably oblivious of the actual meaning of that statement, but still knew that it was true...like a birthright. But it is not a birthright. Not here it isn't. For now again, enjoy your freedom!